Introduction
- Introduction: There are three separate periods within the Three Weeks which have increasingly strict halachos, reflecting our increasing mourning as we draw closer to Tisha B’Av:
- A basic set of restrictions apply throughout the Three Weeks, from Shiva Asar beTamuz to Tisha B’av inclusive.
- From (and including) Rosh Chodesh Av, the Nine Days commence. These have stricter halachos.
- The week of Tisha B’Av itself has further stringencies beyond the two periods above.
Weddings in the Three Weeks
- Ashkenazi practice is not to hold weddings through the period of the Three Weeks – it is considered an inauspicious time given the sad nature of these days (SA 551:2, MB 14).
- Wedding related purchases: However, if necessary due to time constraints, one who is getting married after Tisha B’Av may buy clothes etc for the wedding during the Three Weeks and even during the Nine Days, if it is a wedding where the Chassan has not yet fulfilled Pru Urevu (MB 551:14, 46, Dirshu 26).
Engagements and Engagement Parties
- One may get engaged during the entire period of the Three Weeks and technically speaking even on Tisha B’av. However, an engagement party may only be held before, and not during, the Nine Days and without dancing or music – this would seem to correspond to a modest ‘Lchaim’ customarily held immeidately after the engagement is agreed, rather than the more lavish engagement party, which should be held at a later date (SA 551:2, MB 16, 18, Dirshu 29, Shone Halachos 7).
Music in the Three Weeks
- Music: One may not listen to music during the Three Weeks.
- There is extensive discussion in the poskim about what type of music is forbidden (whether only celebratory music or all music), the status of recorded acapella music, whether music may be played at simchas and whether one may take or teach music lessons during this period of the Three Weeks. One should consult with one’s Rav for practical guidance (Dirshu 551:29).
- One who plays instruments professionally for non-Jews may do so until (but not including) Rosh Chodesh Av (BHL 551:2 DH Mema’atim).
Shaving and Haircuts
- Ashkenazi practice is to refrain from taking haircuts or shaving anywhere on the body for the entire period of the Three Weeks. This applies to both men and women (R 551:4, SA 551:12, MB 79).
- However, where moustache hair is interfering with eating, it may be trimmed. (SA 551:13).
- Married women may also trim hair that protrudes from the side of their hair coverings. (MB 551:79).
- A mourner whose period of Shloshim (the first 30 days of mourning) finishes before Rosh Chodesh Av but within the Three Weeks may have a haircut on its conclusion. Some even permit the mourner to take a haircut if the shloshim finishes in the week before Tisha B’Av – consult a Rav for practical guidance (SA 551:15, MB 551:87). (This applies when mourning for a relative who is not a parent; when mourning for a parent, it is not automatically permitted to shave after the shloshim. The details of this are beyond the scope of our discussion).
- Contemporary poskim discuss whether certain leniencies may apply where one expects to incur a financial loss due to not having a haircut or shaving, or in cases of shidduchim or married women. The Mishna Berura also brings two opinions as to whether children may have haircuts up until the end of the week before Tisha B’av. MB 551:82). One should consult with one’s Rav for practical guidance on these matters. (Dirshu 551:96, Piskei Teshuvos 43)
- Combing Hair: There is no restriction on combing during the Three Weeks, even in the week of Tisha B’Av itself (even though combing generally detaches hair, hence may not be done on Shabbos) (MB 551:20).
Saying Shehecheyanu in the Three Weeks
- Shehecheyanu: One should try and avoid saying the bracha of Shehechiyanu during the period of the Three Weeks as it emphasizes happiness at reaching ‘zman hazeh’, ‘this time’, but this period is a time of tragedy and punishment.
- Therefore, in this period one should not wear significant new items of clothing that warrant a Shehechyanu, nor should one eat new fruits. However, one may wear new clothes which are not sufficiently important to warrant a Shehecheyanu, such as socks (though one may not wear new clothes during the Nine Days) (SA 551:17, MB45).
- On Shabbos: As an exception to the above, one may say Shehecheyanu on Shabbos. Therefore, if one has a new fruit one should keep it until Shabbos and say Shehecheyanu then and one may wear and say Shehechyanu on new clothes. However, new clothes should not be worn on Shabbos during the Nine Days. (MB 551: 9, 45, 98, 101).
- Furthermore, where the specific time to say Shehecheyanu arises during the Three Weeks, one should say it, for example at a Pidyon Haben (SA 551:17).Additionally, if one will lose the opportunity to say Shehecheyanu, such as if one does not anticipate being able to find this new fruit after Tisha B’Av and it won’t keep until Shabbos, one may eat it and say Shehecheyanu. (R 551:17, MB101)
- Hatov veHameitiv: Many poskim permit one to say the bracha of Hatov veHameitiv in the Three Weeks (this bracha is normally said instead of Shehecheyanu where multiple people will benefit from the new purchase) (Dirshu 117).
Risky Activities
- During the Three Weeks and particularly the Nine Days, one should take care to avoid engaging in somewhat risky activities. The poskim consider, for example, bathing in the sea, flying and having non-urgent but somewhat risky medical procedures. One should consult with one’s Rav for parameters on this restriction where required (SA 551:18, Dirshu 128).
Mourning
- The Arizal writes that after halachic midday during the Three Weeks one should spend time mourning, focusing on the sad nature of this period and even coming to tears if one can. Some have the practice of saying Tikkun Chatzos after midday during this period (MB 551:103, PT1)
