Aseres Yemei Teshuva – the Ten Days of Repentance

These halachos of the Aseres Yemei Teshuva – Ten Days of Repentance – are based on the rulings of the Mishna Berura, reflecting Ashkenazi practice.

Tzom Gedalia – The Fast of Gedalia

• The third of Tishrei is Tzom Gedalia, a public fast day. It’s halachos are identical to those of Shiva Asar beTammuz that we covered here (R 602 intro, MB1).

Tefillah – Davening in the Ten Days of Repentance

• On the days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur we increase our tefillos as we daven to be sealed for a good year and nullify any negative decrees.
  • Selichos continue to be said.
  • We add Avinu Malkeinu into Shacharis and Mincha, even on days when Tachanun is not being said, such as if there is a Bris in shul (SA 602:1).
• For a more detailed discussion on the changes to regular davening made during the Aseres Yemei Teshuva, see our page here

Teshuva – Repentance

• Overview: As the name of this period suggests, the Aseres Yemei Teshuva, Ten Days of Repentance, are a time designated for introspection, examining one’s words, deeds and character, and doing teshuva for the sins one has done, whilst resolving to improve going forward. As the Chayey Adam puts it “out of Hashem’s love for His people …and not desiring the death of the wicked one but rather that he repent and live… immediately at the beginning of the year all the gates of repentance and forgiveness are open… and the proclamation goes forth “Return, wayward children, I will heal (forgive) your waywardness (Yirmiya 3:22)”
• Mitzvah: Performing Teshuva is itself a mitzvah; indeed one who does Teshuva is beloved to Hashem as if they had never sinned and reaches a level that even those who are righteous cannot, as one ‘tasted sin yet withdrew from it for Hashem’s sake,’ and it is through Teshuva that Am Yisrael will finally be redeemed.
• Works of Teshuva: It is therefore appropriate to read works relating to Teshuva, such as Rabbenu Yonah’s Sha’arei Teshuva and the Rambam’s Hilchos Teshuva, and other works of Mussar (self-improvement) to guide and inspire one on the path of Teshuva and personal growth (MB2, ARH 602:1-2).

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• Thorough Introspection: One’s introspection and teshuva should not focus just on what seem to be the most ‘severe’ sins such as stealing, eating non-kosher, breaking Shabbos or forbidden relationships – there are many aveiros which are commonly transgressed yet severe in their own right, such as Lashon Hara – speaking ill of others, causing pain to a fellow Jew or making Brachos in vein which one must be vigilant against. Rabbenu Yonah explores these at length in the third section of his Shaarei Teshuva. Similarly one should examine and resolve to improve one’s character flaws, such as anger, jealousy, hedonism or arrogance – indeed such areas require greater investment to improve oneself, given they are engrained in one’s personality (ARHS 602:4, Chayey Adam 143).
• Repentance for Doubtful Sins: The Rema emphasises that one should perform a greater degree of teshuva for actions one did whose prohibited nature was in doubt (but which one should have avoided due to this doubt) – it is human nature to have regret when one knows definitively that one has done something wrong, but to discount actions one did which were merely questionable in nature.
  • We learn this emphasis from the fact that the Korban Asham Taluy, the offering brought in a case of doubtful sin, was a more expensive offering than a Korban Chatas brought to atone for a definite sin (R 603:1).

Halachic Stringencies in the Ten Days of Repentance

• Ra’avya, based on the Yerushalmi (Shabbos 3:3), teaches that it is appropriate to be strict in the Aseres Yemei Teshuva, Ten Days of Repentance, in matters of halacha that one is lenient on at other times of the year – we want Hashem to act with us beyond the letter of the law at this time so should act in a similar way.
• Pas Palter: Therefore, one who is generally lenient to eat ‘Pas Palter’, bread baked by non-Jewish bakers, should be strict not to do so in Aseres Yemei Teshuva.
  • An exception is if one is travelling and finds oneself unable to obtain Jewish made bread even if one were to travel ahead a further 72 minutes on the route of one’s journey, or detour 18 minutes in another direction.
• Other stringencies: Other stringencies are also appropriate to adopt during this time period, even if one does not plan to accept them throughout the year. It is advisable to consult with a Rav one knows well to guide one about what stringencies are suitable and manageable for one to take on at this time (SA 603:1, MB1, Dirshu 1, 4, Chayey Adam 143:1, SHT 609:1).

Kiddush Levana

• The Rema rules that one should wait to say Kiddush Levana until after Yom Kippur, as it should be said with joy and during the Aseres Yemei Teshuva, Ten Days of Repentance, we are preoccupied with concern about our judgement.
• However, some Acharonim maintain that it is preferable to do Kiddush Levana during Aseres Yemei Teshuva so that the performance of the mitzvah can add to our merits and contribute to a more favourable judgement. In an area where it is often cloudy it is preferable not to delay Kiddush Levana, lest one be unable to perform it at all (R 602:1, MB 10, MB 426:9, ARHS 551:22).

Seeking Forgiveness for Interpersonal Sins

• Yom Kippur does not provide atonement for aveiros (sins) that one did to another person unless one has first appeased them. This is true even if one merely spoke to them in a hurtful manner – this in and of itself is a Torah prohibition. Whilst one should always try to apologise, right the wrong one did and make peace with someone one has wronged throughout the year, if one does not have the time one defers it to another day, whereas in advance of Yom Kippur, in the Ten Days of Repentance and in particularly on Erev Yom Kippur, one is obligated to resolve the matter now so that one can achieve atonement on Yom Kippur (SA 606:1, MB1).

Financial Matters

• Financial transgressions: As part of this requirement, one should correct any financial transgressions one has committed towards others – for example, if one stole from or cheated someone else financially, one must pay them back and request their forgiveness. Indeed Chazal stress the importance of doing so, saying that ‘one who has a basket full of sins, the sin of theft accuses first’.
• Resolving financial disputes: If one has a financial dispute with another, one should inform the other party and seek halachic guidance to resolve the situation – particularly in financial areas, one’s personal bias can cloud one’s perspective on what is correct and what is not (MB  606:1).

Seeking Forgiveness

• In person: When seeking forgiveness from another, one should endeavour to do so in person. When it is particularly difficult to do so, or when one estimates that the other party is more likely to forgive if one does not speak directly to them, one can appoint an intermediary to request forgiveness on one’s behalf (MB 2).
• Specifying what one did: One should also specify what one did wrong when seeking forgiveness from someone, unless one believes the other party will be pained or embarrassed if one does so, in which case one should not specify this (MB 3).
• Generic public requests for forgiveness: Publicly asking for forgiveness in a general way from a group of people is ineffective if one knows that one wronged a particular individual in that group – one must appease them directly (MB 3).

Effort Required to Appease

• If the person one is seeking to appease does not initially accept one’s apology when one goes to them alone, one should return a second and if need be a third and fourth time, bringing three people with each time to accompany one as one requests forgiveness. On each visit one should try and appease the individual in a different manner, to maximise one’s chances of successfully appeasing them.
• If after these attempts the individual still does not forgive, if he is someone who taught one Torah then one must continue attempting to appease him; in other situations one need not do so any further though may do so if one wishes.
• When one was seeking to amend a wrong one did to someone that was known to others, after going through the above process one should then state in front of ten people that one attempted to appease the other party, so that it becomes known that one did what one could to rectify the situation (SA 606:1, MB 4-7, Dirshu 16).

Forgiveness from the Deceased

• If the person one wronged has passed away, one should take ten people to the individual’s grave barefoot and say ‘I sinned to the God of Israel and this individual’ and one should go on to specify what one did wrong. The ten people present then respond ‘machul lecha’ – ‘you have been forgiven’ – three times (SA 606:2, MB 14-15).
• If one spoke ill of someone after they have already passed away, one should say the above formula (‘I sinned to…’) in front of those whom one said the inappropriate remarks; there is no need to go to their grave for this (MB14, Dirshu 23).

Being Forgiving

• Whilst the one who did wrong has a duty to do his best to appease the other party, as outlined above, the one who was wronged should be forgiving and accept the apology. Chazal tell us that ‘one who is forgoing, (in Heaven) they forgo all his sins’ as Hashem acts with us ‘midda kenged midda – measure for measure,’ in the same way that we act. Therefore we should be forgiving even to those who acted against us in an intentional or brazen and rebellious manner and Hashem will forgive sins that we have done with intent or brazenness.
• There are a few exceptions when one need not be easily forgiving:
  • When there is a valid reason to think it will be beneficial to initially withhold forgiveness, to encourage the individual who did wrong to generate greater remorse and not repeat the action in future. However, in one’s heart one should let go of any anger, given one has received an apology.
  • When one foresees that granting forgiveness will lead to one being harmed in some way.
  • When one was publicly libelled, as those who heard the initial accusation may not have heard the apology. Nontheless, it is praiseworthy to forgive even in these circumstances  (R 606:1, MB 8-11, SHT8)